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Vol. 13, No. 5: Oct.-Nov. 2008
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Ten Rules To Chase The Audience Away
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by Robert Walker
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Page added in
February, 2007
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About the Author
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Stuttgart-born German guitarist Robert Walker started playing guitar at the age of 15, influenced by Rory Gallagher, Ritchie Blackmore and modern players such as Joe Satriani, Andy Timmons and Steve Vai.
His latest CD is entitled "One For The Road".
Send comments or questions to Robert Walker.
© Robert Walker
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1. The city where you get your next job needs meaningful posters. Put phrases on it
like "Faster than Yngwie" or, "The god has landed".
2. Always wear dark sunglasses when you go on stage and welcome your audience with the legendary sentence, "Hello you crazy motherf......s."
3. If you make a mistake on the guitar, cast an angry look towards your bass player and apologize for your musicians through the microphone.
4. If it's too obvious that you made that mistake, play it over and over again. The
audience will think that it's a part of that song.
5. Always remind your audience that it is so great to be back in the USA again!
6. Always carry messages in your songs. Child-Work, social disease, unemployment,
war, environmental pollution - put it all in one song and let your audience feel that
you have the solution.
7. Don't tune your guitar before you play. Keith didn't either.
8. Buy some new stuff for your guitar amp and read the instructions on stage.
9. Don't miss playing a bonus track at the end of the show. The audience is so
fascinated with your playing and your appearance, it's been so mind-blowing and
spectacular, that they just forgot to call for it.
10. Play a love song with great lyrics, "I heard your voice in the wind over the
mountains where the moonlight shined in the deep blue sea, and an eagle told me that you belong to me..." or something like that.
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Additional Columns by Robert Walker
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Additional Live Performance Columns
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- And 16 more in the Guest Columnists category, view the index
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